A group of family members sitting around a lawyer’s desk while waiting for the deceased relative’s will to be read makes for a good Hollywood movie. Reality is quite different.
In fact, wills are rarely read out loud; they are merely filed with the court administrator as a public document, there for anyone to read—family member of not.
So why are so many people afraid to discuss their estate plan with their family? For many, it’s simply an avoidance of their own mortality or because they find the conversation too morbid.
While talking about your estate plan with your family may not be easy, there are clear advantages to doing so, including:
- Avoiding misunderstandings: Families have been torn apart over disputes related to inheritances. Sharing your estate plan in advance allows you to clarify your intentions, thereby reducing the likelihood of surprises or disputes, particularly accusations that you were unduly influenced or lacked capacity to make the decisions you did.
- Ensuring your family understands your wishes: The wording of a will or a trust may leave room for interpretation. Discussing your estate plan ensures that your family understands your preferences and can carry out your final wishes as you intended.
- Preparing your family for their responsibilities: The person you choose to execute the terms of your will or trust can face significant challenges, especially during an emotionally charged time when they are also grieving. Involving your family in the planning process equips them with the knowledge they need to fulfill their roles. It also allows them to ask questions and receive clarification.
- Strengthening bonds: Although the topic of estate planning is sensitive, it can also lead to meaningful conversations about family values and leaving a lasting legacy.
But even though there are benefits to discussing your estate plan, there may also be some disadvantages to be aware of, such as:
- Possible family tension: Family members may feel resentful if one heir is perceived as receiving a larger share than the others. While keeping the terms of your will a secret will only delay that resentment until after you have died, perhaps that delay is of value to you.
- Changing family dynamics: Certain decisions, such as appointing a specific child as the personal representative or trustee, can create a power imbalance or sibling rivalry. Again, if those dynamics are in your family, perhaps it’s better that they play out over a relatively short period of time (the time needed for the chosen sibling to administer your probate), rather than the years (potentially) between the drafting of your estate plan and your eventual demise.
If, after considering the pros and cons, you do decide to discuss your estate plan with your family, here are some tips for approaching the conversation:
- Choose a time and place when everyone is available and can talk without interruptions.
- Have an outline of what you plan to discuss.
- Explain that your decisions were thoughtfully considered and come from a place of love and trust.
- Be prepared and open to questions about some of your decisions.
- Remember that it’s okay to set boundaries, and you don’t need to discuss aspects of your plan that you wish to keep private.
It’s also vital to work with a legal professional in crafting your estate plan. They can be a sounding board for some of your decisions and help ensure your documents are legally correct. Give Sjoberg & Tebelius, PA a call to discuss your plans (651-738-3433).