It’s one thing to figure out how to bring up the topic of divorce with your spouse. It’s quite another to have that conversation with your children. But once you and your spouse have decided to part ways, you should inform your children sooner rather than later, for they will undoubtedly pick up on the change in the atmosphere.
Fortunately, there are clear steps you can take to help this conversation go smoothly and to increase the level of security and stability that your children feel at this time.
1. Reassure them that the divorce isn’t their fault
Remember that children often blame themselves. They will think that they have made some mistake or that their thoughts or actions have caused the divorce. It’s best to start out by reassuring them that this is in no way their fault.
2. Tell them all at the same time
When you start this conversation, make sure you’ve gathered all of your children. You likely want to have the conversation with your spouse present as well. When all of you are together, it should decrease any feelings of isolation and fear.
3. Let them ask questions
Finally, don’t just focus on yourself, your spouse or your relationship. Start the conversation, but allow time for the children to ask questions. They may have questions or concerns about things you never would have thought about, and giving them a voice will help to overcome feelings of powerlessness.
These tips can help you get the conversation underway while saving decisions about custody for another day. Always keep in mind that the best interests of your children should come first.